​I always said I wouldn’t write a fantasy novel.

I didn’t have the head for it, or so I thought. I couldn’t develop a whole new world and all the rules and laws that came with that—my imagination didn’t stretch that far.

I never got into the medieval scene, and that meant I didn’t read much fantasy either. But you know what I did read? Historical fiction.

So I wrote historical fiction. It still let me escape into another time, another world. I thought that settled it.

Until I read fantasy.

I’ve experienced a “reading awakening” over the past few years. And somewhere—not sure when or how—I caught myself reading more fantasy than historical fiction.

Turns out it wasn’t that I didn’t like fantasy. I just didn’t like 2000s-era Christian allegorical fantasy. Not that there’s anything wrong with them—I look at some series in that subgenre and wish I could have gotten into them. But I could only take so many medieval Narnia rip-offs.

As I got older, not only could I choose what I read, but the fantasy market widened, like, a lot. Christian and general markets both made room for more subgenres, not to mention they had more books to choose from in the first place.

Goodbye, medieval Narnia rip-offs!

So I read fantasy and wrote historical fiction. Because I still didn’t believe I had the head for it.

Two things happened that slowly changed my mind. Well, really three. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

First, the more time I spent in historical fiction circles, the more I realized how much they really truly loved research. Which blew my mind a little. I thought research was the monster we all pretended to put up with until we found those couple things that made your brain light up.

That’s how I did it. Get the couple shiny ideas I wanted, research like a mad person for a day or two, and write a book. But when it came to the nitty-gritty of historical accuracy (what were they wearing then? What were they eating? What did houses look like?), I didn’t care nearly as much. Other than the few elements that interested me, it was hard to drag myself to research.

More or less, I used my historical setting like one would use a fantasy world.

Not a great system. Would not recommend. It only dragged me down when all those nitty-gritty things I skipped came back to haunt me during editing.

Second, I came across two stories that redefined how I wanted to write.

But I should go back a bit, let’s say 2019-2021, when I read the books Fawkes by Nadine Brandes and Shadow by Kara Swanson. Both made me turn the final page and say, “I want to write like that.” Both ironically were fantasy novels, despite my historical era, so I really should have seen this development coming.

Well, last year, it happened again, for the first time in a long while.

First, I came across the TV series Arcane: League of Legends. I promise I’ll spare you the PowerPoint presentation. (Besides, I already wrote a blog post about how much I love it, so if you want to know, you can check it out HERE.)

Then I took everyone’s recommendations at long last and read the Six of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo (which will get its own blog post soon).

I could say so much about these two stories, but suffice to say, they both had such unique fantasy worlds, unlike anything else I had ever seen. They dealt with deep questions and themes, came with relatable characters, and told a beautiful, albeit dark at times, story.

I often get a “hangover” after consuming good media where my own fear bombards me that I’ll never be able to write something like that. But these two projects didn’t make me feel that way. I finished them, and I knew somewhere deep inside myself that I wanted to write stories like this. I knew I was meant to write these stories right now.

And third, around that time, I joined a writing group. That’s right, a real, in-person writing group. And everyone in that group wrote fantasy or speculative fiction of some flavor. I think that was my first acknowledgement of this new thing, the first time I decided that I wanted to try it, even if I didn’t quite realize it yet. I entered fantasy writing contests and registered to attend a fantasy writers conference/fan convention this summer.

And then I did it. I needed a new novel to pitch. So I sat down with a historical concept, that no matter how much I loved it, wouldn’t quite click.

Turns out it made the perfect plot for my fantasy world.

I planned to try a few chapters, see how I felt about it. I expected that it would be too hard and I’d scuttle back to historical fiction and pretend this never happened.

That concept unlocked something. I wrote the first quarter of the novel in sixteen days—the fastest I’ve written anything since I don’t know when. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a mess, but I can look underneath it and see a solid story, not all the work needed to make it somewhat presentable.

And most importantly, I had fun with it again. I recovered the ability to play around with my first drafts, to write things just because it sounded fun, to try wild outlandish things that sometimes work.

It scares me. After all, I did all this work as a historical author. What would it mean to switch genres now? But I think I’ve weathered it like so many other things in my writing life. I went with the flow and saw where it went.

So what now? Am I done with historical fiction forever? I doubt it. I’ll always leave that door open. There’s too many fascinating things in history for me to ignore. Maybe this phase is what I need right now, maybe I don’t have the mental bandwidth for research and such right now.

But I can’t ignore this door before me either. I wonder if everything’s led to this after all. Historical made a great lower-stakes genre to improve my craft before having to balance worldbuilding with telling a good story. Maybe that’s why I didn’t get a novel deal before now. I just don’t know. So I’ll keep telling the stories that I have right now.

I mean, really, can we do much else?

I don’t really know why I wrote this blog post. It seems a little presumptuous to assume you all want to read this story about what happens in my head.

I guess I hope it reaches someone else who’s thinking of doing something very different, whether switching the genre they write or maybe some other life direction. I hope maybe my experience might help you see where God uses your own life and leads you in this new direction, like maybe you were supposed to be here all along.

It’s scary, but it can be a lovely place to rediscover yourself and your own creativity and what you can do. Don’t panic. Give it a try, go with the flow, and see what comes. 

Got anything new you're trying lately? Let me know how your writing, reading, or whatever has been going in the comments below!

Alright, guys, buckle up. It’s hyperfixation time.

One of my favorite media pieces that I watched last year was the TV show Arcane: League of Legends. A friend recommended it, so I started it blind with no expectations. It blew me away. Season 1 is one of the best-written stories I’ve ever watched, and Season 2, while more plot-based, still concludes the series excellently.

And why do I have a blog if I don’t give my favorite stories some love sometimes?

(Note: Arcane deals with a fair share of mature/sensitive topics and content. Use discretion if you search it up for yourself.) 
​

Beauty and Brutality

First off, the art is absolutely gorgeous. I have never seen anything like this animation and art style. This show could have zero plot and I’d watch it just for the animation. Everything is high quality—the music, the sound design, the writing. And all those pieces come together flawlessly.

The beautiful imagery contrasts with the absolute brutality of the topics they approach. This show doesn’t shy away from hard topics. Amidst the gorgeous images, the show captures impoverished cities and the aftermath of war with an unflinching eye. It made sure this contrast haunted me long after I clicked past the final episode.

One instance that stuck with me ever since the first episode is a scene where the protagonists fight a rival gang. During the frenetic combat, it slows down and shows us the fight through the eyes of a small girl cowered in the corner.

Similarly, when poisonous gases flood a rival city, for a brief moment, it cuts to the kids who watch and point at it like a fireworks show.

Moments like those did more than a thousand other images. It reminded me that sometimes less is more, especially when it comes to hard topics. I don’t remember which author said it, about how when you write about war, you don’t need every gritty detail, you show a child’s sandal abandoned in the road. Arcane did this expertly.

This show chases the places where those two concepts—beauty and brutality—intersect. It finds the beautiful in brutal things and the brutal in beautiful things. 

Choices and Characters

One of my favorite things to ask people who have seen the show is who their favorite character was. I love seeing how different people gravitated to different characters.

I connected so deeply with some of these characters, deeper than I have in a long time. And even the ones that I felt less in common with still drew me in through their emotions and experiences. I understood why everyone did what they did, even when I hated what they did. Season 1 connected me so well with these characters that when Season 2 (which is much larger-scale and more plot-focused) rolled around, I kept coming back.

And every character has amazing things about them and horrible things about them. They can do both amazing good and incredible evil. They could have the best intentions and execute them in the worst way, or vice versa.

No one is ever truly the hero or ever truly the villain in Arcane. And that’s the most important thing about this show to me. I watch these characters make choices—sometimes small, some big, some good, some bad—with far-reaching consequences. 

And all those choices are rooted so deeply in their desires, the very desires that made me relate to them. 

It forces me to make the leap from the choices I watch on screen, to the points where I relate to the characters, to the choices I make in real life. Because realizing why I connected with my favorite characters shows me myself and my thinking. And the choices I see my favorite characters make force me to look hard at myself.

Sure, this is a far out and fantastical world. Sure, I’ll likely never face some of these choices.

But what about me? Would I make the same choices? What choices do I make—good and bad—and where might they lead? It forced me to examine the wants and needs that drive me—and how far I would go to get those.

It also shows how an innocent choice that you make can affect all those around you. While that idea can induce a bit of anxiety, it also emphasizes that you choose how you react. Sometimes things happen to you that you cannot control, things that you don’t want and you never asked for. But everybody chooses how to respond to it, how to take it back and make it their own. Sometimes good, sometimes not.

That’s why Arcane works. Beauty and brutality, choices and desires, it dives deep into the things that make us all human.

And that’s why it’s so beautiful, why it’s so brutal. Because a storyteller can create the most stunning images, they can nail all the story mechanics, but if they don’t hide a piece of themselves in it, it’s hollow.

That’s the whole reason we make art. To probe those deep dark places that we won’t open to anyone else. To feel a little less alone. To explore the world and everything that makes us us.

Sometimes it’s good to have a story that I can absolutely lost in for a few hours. But it’s even better when I can come out of that story not only having grown and learned as a writer, but as a person, too. That’s what Arcane did for me.

Have you watched Arcane? What did you think of it?

Even if you haven’t watched Arcane, what have you been watching and reading this month? Let me know in the comments! I’m always looking for a good recommendation. 

I’d planned a longer post this month, but the brain has not been brain-ing very much. So instead, I’ve listed my favorite books that I read over the past year. I’d also love to hear about your favorite 2024 read.

Before the Devil Knows You’re Here by Autumn Krause

This spooky read twists both folktale influence and light horror elements to create a hopeful story. I loved how the author wove in her Christian beliefs and Biblical themes into a general fiction story. (YA fantasy)

(Some readers may want to be aware of infrequent mild language and some gory/intense scenes.)

The Boy Who Didn’t Exist by Mariposa Aristeo

This short read (available for free Mariposa Aristeo’s website) is so unique and different. I mean, when did you last see a Christian steampunk? She captured those inner feelings of invisibility and also provided good abuse survivor rep. (Christian YA fantasy)

The Conductors by Nicole Glover

I loved her refreshingly no-nonsense main couple and the way the author blended magic and murder mystery. Points for also being remarkably clean! (Adult historical fantasy)

(Some readers may want to be aware of two LGBTQIA+ side characters.)

The Foxhole Victory Tour by Amy Lynn Green

This was one of my first 2024 reads and remained a favorite. I loved the fantastic stakes and sympathetic characters that made it hard to root for just one winner. I also loved the plus-size heroine. (Christian adult historical)

If I Were You by Lynn Austin

This book should be like a four-hour long movie like the 80s Anne of Green Gables. This Christian story feels authentic, rather than preachy. I loved how the author gave each character their biases and flaws, but rather than beat us with the message, she let us grow along with them. (Christian adult historical)

Ignite by Kara Swanson

This one is my top Christian read this year. I felt so seen when I read this book. The author represented the mental effects of abuse through a beautiful, fantastical story. I’ve never read another story with a setting like this one, and I can’t wait for the second book. (Christian YA fantasy)

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

These two are my top general fiction reads this year. I finally understand why people recommended it for years. This book is a masterclass in just about everything, but especially the characters. I never turned a page and thought, “ugh, this character again.” I wish I could back and read it for the first time again. (YA fantasy)

Note: This book deals with various mature/potentially triggering topics including trauma, PTSD, ableism, and abuse, including sexual abuse.

(Some readers may also want to be aware of some strong language, some gory/intense violence, and three LGBTQIA+ characters.)

Thieves’ Gambit by Kayvion Lewis

This perfectly scratched my heist novel itch, and besides that, it raises interesting questions about trust. It avoids the cliché theme of “well you should trust people more.” Instead, it questions what happens when you do that and the person you trust fails you. Fantastic suspense. (YA thriller)

(Some readers may want to be aware of mild language and three LGBTQIA+ side characters.)

Wolf by Wolf and Blood for Blood by Ryan Graudin

She races a motorbike so she can kill Hitler. With a concept like that, I couldn’t not try it. This novel as well as its sequel both tell a compelling story with a unique alternate history timeline. The author brought out each characters’ motivation so well and kept me hooked until the last page. That ending, though. (YA historical fantasy)

(Some readers may want to be aware of mild language.)

What was your favorite book you read this year? Let me know in the comments below! 

Last month, I talked about making my peace with Christian fiction and all its imperfections. What I didn’t talk about was how many times I wrote and rewrote that article. I didn’t want to come across too strong or give the impression that I was harsh and critical towards Christian fiction. As I wrote, I kept asking, “But what about this book? What about this author?”

So I decided this series needed an unofficial third part—where I dive into some of those stories and authors that make such a big difference in Christian fiction and the reasons I love their work. I hope you’ll enjoy switching gears a little bit here.

(You’ll notice most are historical and fantasy, since those are the main genres I read and write. Even if you’re not a huge fan of either genre, still check these authors out on social media or their websites!)

Hope Ann
(fantasy)

Hope goes after the deep ideas and questions and tells excellent stories. Even when she's discussing what seems like a fairly straightforward theme (such as the fruits of the Spirit), she digs beyond the top layer and gets into what that really looks like. She has several novellas available and I’m excited to see where her stories go from here.

Mariposa Aristeo
The Boy Who Didn’t Exist (YA steampunk fantasy)

This short read touches a special spot with its abuse survivor representation, but it also touches anyone who might feel invisible sometimes. It also has a steampunk setting—when was the last time you read a Christian steampunk novel? The best part? You can get it free on Mariposa Aristeo’s newsletter.

Terri Blackstock
Catching Christmas (adult contemporary)

I read this Christmas story every year, but only this year did I realize how much it does Christian storytelling well. The faith elements are explicit, no denying them, and yet no one has a dramatic sermon moment. It’s down to earth and feels so very real.

Nadine Brandes
Fawkes (YA fantasy)

Guys. I swear by this book. First off, people can do magic through colors, how cool is that? It’s also a clever allegory for the 1600s Catholic and Protestant clashes. I wrote an entire article about how she portrayed her God figure because it’s just that unique and just that good. (You can read it here: kingdompen.org/fawkes-book-review/). 

Ashely Bustamente
Vivid (YA fantasy)

I discovered this gem earlier this year, and I must confess, I haven’t read the rest of the series yet (I’m working on it). Like Fawkes, this book demonstrates that you have to find truth for yourself, but frames it within a Christian worldview.

Josiah DeGraaf
A Study of Shattered Spells (upcoming adult fantasy)

Alright, to be fair, this one hasn’t released yet. I helped with the cover reveal last month, and I am beyond excited for this book. Josiah has spoken about how he is self-publishing this book because he couldn’t find a Christian publishing house that accepted adult fantasy, but he didn’t want to tone down his Christian elements for a general market audience. He also discusses conversations within Christian fiction and fiction in general on his email list and on his Instagram. 

Enclave Publishing
(fantasy)

While I haven’t read all their books, they’ve also published quite a few of my favorites. I love how they provide a wider space for Christian fantasy and sci-fi authors and their stories.

Amy Lynn Green
(adult historical)

I look forward to Amy’s books every year. Her stories always include diverse representations and unique characters, and besides that, she tells wonderfully engaging stories.

Jocelyn Green
(adult historical)

Jocelyn also writes excellent adult historical stories with diverse experiences. The Metropolitan Affair is my favorite, again because she tackled abuse representation, but I also highly recommend the Windy City Saga.

Rachel MacMillan
(adult historical)

I haven’t read nearly as many of Rachel’s books as I wish, but the ones I have both told a good story and included diverse experiences and representation.

Andrew Peterson
The Wingfeather Saga (MG fantasy)

I read these a couple summers ago, and I fell in love with this whimsical fantasy series. While it is a Christian allegory, and usually that would signal a Narnia rip-off, Andrew takes unconventional routes both in his fantasy world and the way he presents his ideas. A good all-ages read. (They’ve also been adapted into a fantastic TV show.)

Kellyn Roth
(historical women’s fiction)

I worked with Kellyn Roth on our 2023 anthology, and I love her commitment to hard topics in Christian fiction. I get so excited whenever her posts pop up, because she’s thought through these questions and issues in Christian fiction, and that she will inspire me to do the same. Highly recommend following her email list or Instagram account.

Kara Swanson
Heirs of Neverland duology and Ignite (YA fantasy)

Ignite, Kara Swanson’s most recent book, is one of my top reads this year. Like Kellyn Roth, she’s dedicated to hard topics, specifically mental health. Ignite, for example, represents abuse and the many ways that affects how we think about ourselves and our world. I always feel seen when I pick up her books, and her books got me through some very tough times.

Roseanna M. White
(adult historical)

My favorite thing about Roseanna M. White’s books, what keeps me buying every single one, is how delightfully different they are! She foregoes the stereotypical Christian historical paths and instead incorporates spies or thieves or codebreakers or treasure hunters.

And these are just a small list! I can get so hung up on what I wish was different about Christian fiction, that I worry I’m overlooking all the good that these authors do. I hope you might give their books a look, if they’re your thing. And even if they’re not, you can always find their email lists or Instagram accounts and read their thoughts.

But now I want to hear from you! What Christian books or authors go above and beyond for you? Why do you love their work so much? Let me know in the comments below!

Dear Christian Fiction:

I think you must believe I’m disappointed in you.

You’ve watched me add general market books to my shelf. And you read that open letter I wrote about general fiction last month.

Since I grew up with Christian media only, you must worry that I’ve gone off the deep end and walked away from Christian media completely. So I thought I’d explain myself.

My previous letter explained how I first read a general market novel. And not only did I engage with stories and topics I never thought I would, not only did I set my own boundaries about what I would read, but I recognized the benefits reading these stories could bring me. I lost my fear of general fiction.  

And yet, I never once considered leaving you behind. If anything, I returned more excited than before. What if I could find powerful stories, like these general novels I’d discovered, but with a Christian worldview? Where could I find them?

And then I realized that I hadn’t finished making peace with my reading habits. I just never expected you would pose a fight.

I’ll put this as nicely as possible—you skate by on many counts simply because you're Christian. Christian readers are so desperate for something comforting or truth-filled or even just something clean that we’ll overlook certain quality issues.

That doesn’t fly anymore. More and more, bookstores shelve Christian market books beside general market books and expect them to keep up.

This encourages me—it proves people take you seriously. But it also means that we need to up our game. Especially in two specific areas.

One: Diverse representations (including hard/sensitive topics).

It seems a bit counter-intuitive that if someone wants a character with their same struggles or physical characteristics, their only choice is a general market novel. Christian books largely don’t address these topics.

Or, if and when you do, you either resort to hurtful stereotypes and trite clichés, or you don’t know how to spread the word (i.e., a story with a plus-size lead with a skinny lead model on the cover). If we believe the truth, if we believe the Gospel, then why on earth don’t we write that truth for all people? Why don’t we show all people that they are loved and valued?

Two: Messages vs. telling a good story.

General market books tend to weave their messages into the story—because if they get too preachy, they will likely be held to a harsher standard.

Christian market books, on the other hand, sometimes smack me with a two-by-four in the form of a lengthy Scripture passage, prayer, or sermon that completely halts the plot. When you do that, I feel cheated. Instead of taking me on this incredible journey, making me think, and letting me feel rewarded when I interpret it for myself, I get left with a few blocky pages of text telling me what I should think.

I also think the clean fiction movement contributes to this. In scrubbing our books of all objectionable content, we’ve scrubbed it of authenticity. (I wrote a whole blog post on that, so I won’t get into it all now. You can read that post HERE.)

Three: Knowing and serving your audience. 

Christian books are largely going to Christian readers. So truthfully, when I do get a preachy monologue in a Christian story, I have to wonder who they're trying to benefit. If you're trying to benefit the Christian readers, aren't you preaching to the choir a little bit? 

Does that mean there isn't a place for Gospel presentations and come-to-Jesus moments in Christian fiction? Absolutely not. (If they're executed well, that is.) Every Christian needs reminded of the Gospel sometimes! 

But I do think we need to keep our audience in mind. Is this a book an unbelieving reader is likely to pick up? Maybe it's a good candidate for a come-to-Jesus subplot. However, if it's a book that is more likely to appeal to the already-saved, by all means, include the Gospel--but maybe focus more on its impact in a believer's life.

There are so many different ways to depict the Christian life. I wish I could find more stories that spoke to what that Christian life looks like. 

Am I saying the general market never publishes its less-than-stellar novels? Of course not.

So why do I pick on Christian fiction specifically? Because we should know better. Like I said, we believe the truth. We believe the Gospel. So why on earth don’t we bring it to everyone? And what better way to bring it to everyone than to tell a genuinely good story? 

And am I saying that every Christian novel needs all the gritty and edgy? No. There is a place for fluffier or cleaner novels.

The problem is when that’s all we offer. The problem is when authors with diverse backgrounds struggle to find space in the Christian market. The problem is when we don’t write any books about the harder topics, or when we do, we resort to hurtful stereotypes.

I hated that some of the stories I grew up with weren’t as wonderful as I once thought. And I hated that some of my own stories might not be welcome in Christian fiction because of the topics I addressed.

I could leave it there and let myself get discouraged. Why not give up Christian fiction all together and read general fiction for good?

Because Christian fiction matters. My relationship with Jesus matters. The Gospel matters. And being able to see that in fiction matters. While I can see aspects of my faith even in general market novels, it’s still important to have stories that come from that place of truth and love. I need both general fiction and Christian fiction.

That’s why I hold you to such a high standard.

So what do I do with Christian fiction? I keep trying and I keep searching. I’ve found so many authors, both general and Christian, who love Jesus and write excellent stories. And I want to lift them up, to celebrate the excellent stories, to push for progress and authenticity.

And when I come across those Christian novels that skate by, I let them make me think about the change I want to see. I let their mistakes inspire me to keep writing my own stories. Because general or Christian, the world needs all our stories.

So no, I haven’t given you up. I don’t think I ever could. If anything, I can’t wait to see where we go from here.

What’s your favorite Christian book or author? Share it in the comments, and I’ll share some of my faves! 

Hi, everyone! I'm so excited to be participating in the Novelists in Novembers anthology blog tour with Wild Blue Wonder Press! You might remember that I participated in one of their anthologies last year, and I was so excited to support this next round of authors. 

Today, I'm sharing a guest post from Kellyn Roth. I absolutely love reading Kellyn's thoughts, both on her newsletter and her Instagram, and I'm so excited to share her thoughts with you about anthologies and beauty in the differences. 

But first, very quickly, I wanted to share a few things with you about the anthology--namely, where you can purchase it. I got to be an advanced reader, and I noted they had even more diversity of stories in this anthology than the last. I definitely enjoyed the read and it's the perfect nostalgic fall read. So go ahead and click the button below to grab your copy, and then enjoy Kellyn's guest post!

​Also, this blog tour comes with a GIVEAWAY. Everyone who enters the blog tour for the release of Novelists in November will be entered to win a free paperback copy of the novel and a $25 Amazon gift card!

​Enter the giveaway using the button below. Entrants must be 18+ or have parental permission to enter. This giveaway is open to US and international winners. If you need to find any of the other blog tour stops, check out the graphic above or kellynrothauthor.com. 

Hey folks! I’m Kellyn Roth, and today I’m sharing a guest post on Rachel’s blog to celebrate the release of Novelists in November, the second anthology out with my indie publishing company, Wild Blue Wonder Press.

This is the second anthology I’ve published, but I’ve prepared three, planned dozens more, and participated in a few others over the years. An anthology is defined loosely as, “a collection of selected literary pieces.” When I first set out to publish anthologies with Wild Blue Wonder Press, I had a number of thoughts about how I’d do it, and at last I landed on what I really wanted to do:

I wanted to feature excellent Christian creators from differing backgrounds with different stories. I didn’t want to publish the same kind of stories over and over again, though I also wanted to appeal to the same core audience who had become accustomed to my historical family sagas and romances.

Basically, I wanted to be different but not too different.

The thing that is the same in my anthologies? They are all Christian fiction written by Christian writers, primarily for Christian readers, and they are all (just because I don’t have the knowledge and staff yet for speculative fiction) realistic fiction in some way—meaning they are contemporary or historical stories, not fantasy or sci fi.

Though I would consider myself a fairly conservative Christian who believes in all the typical things that would get one in trouble with the average person, I also believe that Christians have a major problem with judgmentalism about things that ultimately don’t matter. Not salvational issues—not even things that are condemned in the Bible—but the most niche little personal choice things that shouldn’t offend anyone.

But they do.

So when I am choosing stories to be featured, I’m trying not to choose ones that are all same. I am especially trying to choose authors who stand out to me as having something interesting and different to bring to an anthology and to the Christian fiction world that I can appreciate even if it’s not exactly what I bring.

I think we need people in the community who are far more conservative than me—but I also think we need people who have less “conservative” convictions in a world where “conservative” means picking fights with anyone who isn’t exactly like ourselves—even if the things they are interested in or talk about or care about are not in any way wrong, sinful, or so on. Some things I cannot endorse, of course. I want to run a press with a basics of ethics and morals, but … other things?

If you were waiting for Wild Blue Wonder Press to come out against celebrating Christmas and even things like moderate drinking or piercings, you’re in for a disappointment. I have convictions about, well, everything, but I have never felt that my convictions ought to be for everyone. And also, of course, my convictions are sometimes less conservative!

But I think there’s a beauty in that. We all come from different backgrounds and as such, what we are led to do and say is different. And I think rather than isolating ourselves and pretending our way is the only way, we should allow ourselves to embrace those slight differences when they are truly harmless and not prohibited by Scripture.

This is true of controversial things, yes, but it’s equally true of little insignificant but beautiful things. In both my collections, I’ve loved getting to feature a variety of different types of main characters and situations and even subgenres under the women’s fiction umbrella. Some of our stories have different tones, some feature more blatant Christian themes than others though all could be called Christian fiction, and some are more serious or more light-hearted.

I think there is value in things that are written for a specific person, but I do also enjoy putting together these anthologies that are so specific—I mean, Christian women’s fiction is already a pretty narrow genre!—but still have room to highlight people from different experiences.

What do you think about all this? Agree to disagree?

​Dear Heartless. Dear The Knife of Never Letting Go. Dear The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Dear A Monster Calls. Dear Six of Crows.

I feel like I should explain why I treated you with such contempt.

I grew up with Christian media only. Christian music, Christian books, and heavily screened mainstream movies (mainly because there weren’t many Christian movies then).

On one hand, I’m glad. I’m glad those media choices helped reinforce the faith I chose. I’m glad those rules sheltered me from harsh content and from some conversations I wasn’t ready for. I’m sure you can understand that.

But those important conversations never happened. So I turned eighteen, and just like magic, I had streaming services, a Spotify account, and a public library card. I could watch what I wanted, listen to what I wanted, read what I wanted.

I felt like I had been thrown to the wolves. (No offense.)

It wasn’t you. Somewhere along the line, I adopted the idea that if it didn’t come with an explicit Christian label, it must be sinful. I blame my natural rule-following personality—not so much because I liked the rules and was such a good kid, but more selfishly, because getting in trouble terrified me.

I saw the PSA’s where a Christian kid saw one PG-13 movie and it haunted them for life. I heard the “everything you read stays with you forever” speech more times than I care to admit. Heck, the thought of even stumbling across a too-mature Christian book terrified me.

But there I stood in a sea of books and movies and music. For the first time, I had to decide what I would read and what I wouldn’t. No one would come along and choose for me.

But what if I made the wrong choice and read something that would ruin me?

Dramatic much? Sure. But it kept me up at night, okay?

So I ignored you for a good long while. I played it safe and stuck with the tried-and-true. Which worked out fine, for a little while. But a clash was inevitable.

Because I was also adulting. I experienced real life viewpoints and people very different from me. I understood things about myself and my life and my world that I’d never considered before.

And I wanted stories that talked about those things.

I found several crossover titles that did (novels that appeal to both the Christian and general markets). But Christian novels that did the same were few and far between. I scoured the market. Those conversations just didn’t happen.

So I took a deep breath. I scoured all the reviews that I could find, assured myself that this book couldn’t possibly send me to hell. I checked it out from my library—that way, if the hellfire scorched too close, I could send it back and pretend it never happened.

I read a general market book.

I don’t even remember which of you I chose. (I suspect Heartless.) But you startled me. You were just as clean, if not cleaner than my Christian books. Your characters didn’t engage in all the debauchery that I assumed they did, nor did they encourage me to do the same. If anything, they encouraged me to avoid their mistakes at all costs.

I finished the book and let it be. But slowly, ever so slowly, I dipped my toes back in. My friends also read general market fiction. So I bought the occasional general market novel they recommended at a used bookstore. I picked one out at the library every so often.

Within a year, I read The Knife of Never Letting Go, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, and A Monster Calls. All three blew me away. You talked about hard things like grief and religious abuse and toxic gender roles. You told creative, inventive tales unlike any stories I’d ever read before. You forced me to take a hard look at the parts of myself I didn’t want to consider.

You never mentioned God or Jesus. And perhaps your authors never intended to. And yet I couldn’t deny that these books deeply impacted me for good.

Those three books marked the turning point. I still read mostly crossover and Christian fiction. But I also still experiment with general fiction.

I defined what I will read and what I won’t, and I became okay with those definitions changing. I read about topics that I once feared. And sometimes, I stood my ground and kept it at a solid no.

I finally had those conversations with myself. I only wish I had them earlier.

Best of all, I found stories about those hard topics. I engaged with these big questions and conversations in a safe environment. I formed my own thoughts, considered viewpoints besides mine, and strengthened the choices I made.

I made my peace with the general market.

You can’t replace Christian worldview stories. And it requires caution and research to identify the titles that will benefit me. But I learned that sometimes a story can honor God whether or not it says His Name. Sometimes an author with no religious affiliation can write a story, and that story can glorify God when I read it and think about the ideas it presents.

I still prioritize Christian worldview stories. But the general market helped me see beyond my own world. And once I could see, I could view it through my Christian beliefs. I even found Christian authors who wrote stories for God--general market stories. Who knew they could co-exist?

I wish I could have helped my younger self reach out for those stories. While these stories came exactly when I needed them as an adult, I wish my younger self could have set out with more confidence and answer those questions instead of living in confusion for years. I wish I had the confidence to voice those questions and share them with other people.

I wish I hadn’t been scared of you for so long. But I’m not scared anymore.

I firmly believe that I need both general market and Christian fiction. This month, I discussed making my peace with the general market. Next month, I’ll discuss how I made my peace with Christian books.

Until then, what’s a general market book that surprised you? Share your adventures in the comments below! 

​After three weeks back at work, the nastiest head cold found me.

Ideally, I would take the time off and get better, but I don’t have the sick time, and I can’t afford it besides.

Ordinarily, I would power through. I didn’t deem sickness or fatigue all that valid, or at the very least, it shouldn’t shut me down. At my previous custodial job, I once worked with both influenza and strep throat. Not my finest moment.

But something changed this summer.

When summer started, I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it—whether reading a book, or writing, or whatever task needed done. And when I tried, I had to claw and fight for every step.

It’s unsettling. The ability to do something I’d been able to do forever . . . disappeared. And I couldn’t know when it would come back. If it would come back.  

I’d break out every so often. I’d complete all those little tasks. I’d read a couple books. And then I’d fall right back in the slump. It was bewildering—it wasn’t because I didn’t have time. I had plenty of time. I wanted to do all these things.

But watching a movie was always easier. Or scrolling my phone. Or staring off into space. Sometimes it felt like that was all I could do. My favorite things weren’t giving me joy. Or if they were, I wasn’t receiving it.

I would console myself with the idea that I was just stressed, and when X, Y, or Z would resolve themselves, then I’d get all my energy back. Once school let out, I’d have more time and less stress. But then X, Y, and Z resolved themselves and no magic motivation sparked.

So if it wasn’t outside circumstances, what was wrong with me? I got more and more scared that something was really, truly broken in me. I could do way more than this when I was thirteen, why couldn’t I handle everything now? (How convenient to forget that it stressed me out when I was younger, too.)

I was in full flaming burnout. Years of pushing through it and sucking it up caught me.

And then, right before work started again in August, some mental switch flipped. I noticed it in my reading first. I wanted to read everything I could get my hands on. I finished books that had been gathering dust on my shelf. I met my Goodreads challenge within the month. And I enjoyed it again.

How?

For the first time this year, I was forced to slow down.

I couldn’t do it all, no matter how hard I tried. I can’t keep up with everyone around me, and that’s okay.

So when I got that nasty cold, instead of reasoning it out—“I’m not that tired, others have it lots worse, there’s no reason I can’t do XYZ”—I just rested when I felt tired. One day, I went home after work and slept for almost fourteen hours. But I needed that rest, and it helped me beat my cold symptoms.

Because the biggest lesson burnout taught me, a lesson I couldn’t make out in the thick of it, is that it doesn’t have to make sense. If I try to make it all make sense, I’ll burn out over and over again.

I accepted that I was tired.

And even if it didn’t make “sense,” I gave myself what I needed. To get better from my cold, I rested when I felt tired. To recover from my reading slump, I chose books that interested me and ignored the ones I didn’t. I didn’t worry about what all I “should do” (alright, I did try, but it didn’t succeed this time).

Sometimes we Christians get so caught up in self-sacrifice and service that we forget that we can’t help others the way they need help, if we’re crashing ourselves. It’s a fine line. On one hand, we need to give ourselves what we need, things God has provided, things like rest and relationship and all the things that bring us joy. But on the other, we need to make sure we don’t ignore things God has given us to do.

I used to worry so much. What if I wasn’t following God’s will? What if I was sinning horribly and didn’t know? What if I was missing out on a once in a lifetime chance and had no clue? Burnout also taught me that God will show me what I need to do. I can’t ignore something if I’m not conscious of it. It’s not my job to make myself perfect, it’s God’s. And He can do that job perfectly—without burnout.

I wish I had it all figured out. I wish I could say I’ll never face burnout again. Unfortunately, I know burnout will come. It’s part of a broken world. But I hope that when it does come again, I’ll remember what I’ve learned. I hope I’ll give myself what I need and what God has given me to succeed. 

How's your September been? What do you do when you feel tired and burnt-out? Share your adventures in the comments below!

My job in elementary education means my summers are free. Sometimes too free. So this year, my friend suggested I volunteer as an usher at our local off-Broadway theater. I watched pets for income, but that didn’t get me out and about in the community, and I could easily hide away for my entire summer.
​
Alright, alright. But the bit that sealed the deal? The theater was performing Beauty and the Beast AND Murder on the Orient Express. So I had two shows I wanted and a paraprofessional’s income. But ushers could stay and watch the entire summer season free.

So I ushered. And I experienced my first summer season. And I learned a lot about theater. But the funny thing is, what I learned there works outside the theater, too.

One: Give it a try.

The theater offered five shows this year, and I only knew two. But far be it from me to turn down a free ticket.

Except I almost did. The afternoon I ushered The Wedding Singer, I’d been dogsitting for a week and had car trouble first thing that morning. I already felt “meh” about the show, and a long nap at home was all too enticing.

But the free ticket prevailed. If I disliked the show that much, I reasoned, I could sneak out at intermission.
I didn’t sneak out at intermission. The Wedding Singer made me smile more than any other show. I laughed so hard I forgot all about the car trouble and my nap.

And I’d almost missed it. I’d almost stuck with what I knew.

Trying new things is easy when it’s free and you can sneak out at intermission. Rarely does life outside the theater work that way. But God will send opportunities our way. They might be fun things, like Wedding Singer tickets. They might be not so fun things, like car trouble along the way. Sometimes it risks embarrassment or disappointment.

But sometimes it comes with laughter. Sometimes it comes with joy. But first, I have to give it a try.

Two: Audience matters.

My first show, I smiled at the dressed-up girls at Beauty and the Beast. Then two weeks later, I was the only young person at Kiss Me Kate. Then a month later I clapped along with the dancing audience at Beautiful.

And I sat behind the theater’s high school conservatory group at The Wedding Singer.

And man, that conservatory group was the best audience.

They cheered loud and hard for the orchestra when most people just politely clapped. They laughed the hardest at the jokes. They gasped whenever a character gave a particularly good roast.

And that reaction is infectious. It was uncanny how one person would clap or dance or cheer, and soon it would ripple across the entire audience.

Who is in my real-life audience with me?

Someone who will cheer the overlooked or someone who’s content to politely clap?

Someone who will discuss the show with me afterward or someone who will scroll their phone at intermission?

Someone who will gasp and cry with the more dramatic bits or someone who you can never quite read whether they’re even enjoying it?

Someone who will laugh and find the joy, or someone who will complain about the seats and the people around them?

And what audience am I for those around me?

Three: It’s okay to watch the show alone.

The very first show I ushered was Beauty and the Beast. I sat with the usher who trained me for the first half, but at intermission, she announced that she had an appointment.

That left me alone in an empty row.

I’d attended this theater several times before, but a friend or family member always came with me.

Being alone was strangely refreshing.

Don’t get me wrong—there’s something beautiful and unifying at sharing a glance or laughing at the same jokes or reacting to a climatic moment together. I definitely wouldn’t want to attend every show alone.

But this time, I laughed at the parts I found funny without wondering if anyone else caught the humor. Nothing and no one else tugged at my attention. I immersed myself in the lights and the spectacles and the characters.

Sure, you need a good audience. But I also don’t have to be afraid to watch the show alone sometimes. Alone doesn’t mean lonely. Sometimes God gives us that space so we can learn things about ourselves and immerse ourselves in what God has done and what He’s doing. And then we can take the next show, the next thing, and share it with our audience.  

Four: Love what you love.

Beauty and the Beast was the only show I attended alone. But I made up my mind. No matter who I sat with, I would enjoy the show my way. I’d laugh at the jokes I found funny. I’d cheer for the characters I loved. I’d clap along with the songs if I felt so inclined. I wouldn’t get embarrassed if I cried. And I’d stand at the end even if no one else did.

I got to just be myself in a crowd of people who also got to just be themselves. And we lost ourselves in a story for three hours.

And something about being ourselves also unified us.

God created me uniquely and specifically. He created every other person in that audience uniquely and specifically. And far beyond a show, I have a unique perspective on the world outside the theater.

I studied Ecclesiastes over the summer, and sometimes that book is a downer. But scattered throughout it are these passages that remind me that God gives all the good things we experience, and that enjoying those good gifts is a beautiful thing.

I can try new things. I can surround myself with a good audience. I can even enjoy time alone. But a show only has as much value as you give it. Life only has as much value as I put into it. Let yourself experience the show your way, the way only you can, the way He designed you.  

Do you have a favorite play or musical? Have you seen any of the ones I mentioned? Share your adventures in the comments below!